Tegami
by keroberus
Summary: Just as she's fighting off her next 30 year slumber at the end of the series, Saya takes a pen to jot a few things down, so next time, she won't forget.


TEGAMI, "A LETTER FOR THE ME OF TOMORROW" was conceived in my head in the hour after I watched episode 50 for the first time, thanks to Shinsen-subs. You guys/gals rock. I am going to purchase the entire series so I can continue to drool over Hagi in the peace and privacy of my own living room. I do not own any rights to BLOOD+, its storyline or characters. This is a work of fiction. Any likeness to real people or places is purely your imagination.

-Kero. (revised 6/3/10)

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**DATE: June 12, 2007. TIME: 1:45 a.m. WEATHER: blue skies from here to eternity...**

"KIBOU." Hope. The true meaning of this word I would not know until now, my 174th year of existence. But just as you read this letter, you will come to know the meaning as well. You are awake now, some thirty years after the ink on this page has dried, in the place where we began.

Yes, I am you, and you are me. We are who we are.

I remember I awoke in darkness, and I was afraid because I was alone. There was something eerie about that darkness, and not just because it was the family tomb. Perhaps, subconsciously it had reminded me too much of the darkness that was in me, the darkness that my sister had grown up with. I retained no memories of who or what I was, not even a name to stain my lips. My life had been wiped clean again.

It was here that I met my father, George, who taught me the meaning of that word.

There was hope in me as I looked at him for the first time and his outstretched hand. His peppered gray hair was tied back in a tail with a neat band, his eyes wrinkled at the corners by years of laughing, and his smile as warm as a mother's womb. Surely, I thought, this was a person whom I could trust. Thought I did not know it at the time, it was like meeting Joel the First, again. My kind father had come back to me.

George was perhaps a better father than Joel, because he accepted me for what I was. Joel was always wary of me and even in his eyes, I could tell that he constantly puzzled over me; my healing capabilities, my stopped time-though I didn't know what a curse it would be back then to be forever seventeen.

The warmth of George's smile never faded, not even at his last moment when I killed him. (Note to self: this was George's request under the circumstances, and he would not have wanted me to regret this)

For the first time, I had brothers. Kai, who will be middle aged when I see him next, and little Riku, bless his soul. I had something precious: a family. This was even closer knit and bonded than with Joel. My family was not bound by blood but by love, and affection, and laughter. And perhaps, bound even by my father George's quirky little maxims like "_nankurunaisa_." How he ever came up with that, I never had the chance to ask him. I will never forget the warmth I felt with George, Kai and Riku. I will never forget the laughs we shared over a bottle of Calpis and Okinawan cuisine. (Note to self: you will be hungry when you wake up. Ask Kai to make his boiled egg "special" at the _Omoro_.)

But as I write this letter, everything George taught me are still etched in the fiber of my being, holding together my battered heart like neatly stitched red string.

Diva, was my sister. In a way, I have suffered a century's worth of anguish in trying to kill her. We are even now for those years that she lived in darkness without love, and the centuries she spent afterwards trying to destroy everything I loved.

I am unable to ask for her forgiveness. I did not understand her until the end. In my life, this is one of two things I regret. (Note to self: the two girls living with Kai are Riku and Diva's daughters, your nieces and your blood relations. DO NOT KILL THEM.)

I have made many friends. I don't want you to forget them. Joel the nth, David, Julia, Louis, Jahana-san, Okamura-san, Lulu-chan, Kaori, Min. I hope they will be there when you wake up. Kaori-chan, I really hope marries my brother Kai. I was not unaware of the huge crush she had on him. I hope she did her best! Min, my silly romantic friend. I hope she kept her smile, even after we parted. (Note: You owe her big time for ruining one of her favorite dresses.)

What parts of our sad past do I want to tell you on paper? You might want to remember all of it, because we wouldn't be who we are now without those memories of Joel the first, Diva, Amshel, the Zoo…and Hagi, our beloved Hagi.

The first time he and I kissed it was out of necessity. I don't think he was conscious at the time either, which seems pathetic in the whole history of first kisses. I thought he was dead, and I gave him a blood kiss, which stopped his time. In my life I have only done this twice, both times reluctantly. Oh, how I continuously regretting forcing my curse on him… At the time, I didn't know what I was and I didn't know what would happen. Yet, he told me he never regretted being my Chevalier.

He told me once that his happiest moment in life was when he first met me. His second, if I recall correctly, was when I told him that I wanted to travel the world with my sword in hand, and he could come with me. Though I love him with all my heart, even now, I wonder what would have become of him if he had never met me. It pained me every time he suffered as much as he did for my sake.

I do regret burdening him with me last "wish." He was always my faithful, steadfast one, the keeper of my blade and my shield. The number of times he risked his safety, his limbs, his blood, and even his life for me are countless. Above all, his bond was stronger than blood. When I last saw him he told me he loved me…that he had always loved me… How I would regret not realizing that until the very end….

Of all the chevaliers that have followed me, of all the men who had proposed to make me happy, he was the only one I had ever wanted to be with. In silence or with his cello's beautiful melody wafting in the breeze, with every sunset we had watched over the hundred odd years we shared together, bound by love and the blood of my kind, home was wherever he was.

We shared so much darkness in our sad quest didn't we?

But I was never alone, and I had him to thank for that. I hope he forgives us for not giving him happier memories! When I think of his name, I remember sunsets and footprints in the snow, a pair side-by-side, for some reason. These are things that don't last and yet we will last, will we not? Though our time has stopped, there never seems to be enough when it comes to Hagi.

How many times have we forgotten about him? How many times did he have to remind us? The first time I saw him in 2005, I admit I thought he was something out of a horror flick Kaori had showed me once. I reluctantly took up my sword, then, as he reminded me that I was still in the middle of my private war.

Was that our second kiss, Hagi? The only other thing I regret in life is that the number of times I kissed him can only be counted on one hand. (I sincerely hope you make more progress when you wake up!)

Our sad, beautiful Hagi. In his years of wandering, when I was not with him, I wish somehow he knew that I loved him in every sleeping moment, and that I dreamed about him and our beginning. Know that I did not choose Solomon as my chevalier because deep in my heart I knew I had always loved only him. Since the beginning...he was our first friend.

I hope that this is not the end. I hope the last time I saw him was not our eternal parting for we can go no further without Hagi.

As I grasp this pen tightly in my weakening, shaking hands, fighting off the sleep that is inevitable with the next slumber cycle, I hope I dream about our last kiss.

I hope, as I am sleeping, he will be walking on the cobblestone streets of Paris again, absorbing the ambience, remembering everything he loved about being human and the times we spent together, feeling the light of the stars and moon on him face, wearing the warm embrace of my love like a cloak to keep out the chill.

I hope…

Saya O.

_Finis._

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NOTE: Did you like? Please R+R, but keep your flames to yourself. For those of you who didn't know, "kibou" means "hope" and "tegami" means "letter."


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